Prayer Request For My Brother...

I have been driven many times to my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had nowhere else to go.
~~~~~Abraham Lincoln

A short time ago, I received a call from Momma. The eldest son/brother in our family had surgery this morning to repair a area on his hip which was a result from a debreded compression sore. You see, he has been in a wheelchair the last 6 years. A paraplegic from an motorcycle accident.

(Last May, he had to have his right leg amputated, but has handled it well)



Unfortunately, the Dr.'s have determined that he is septic. Which in layman's speak means infection has gotten into his blood stream. Not a good thing...


The baby sister of the family is a Nurse Practitioner who is coming up tonight to give us her assessment. She will also discuss with the Doctor his prognosis.



I'm begging for prayers for his recovery. As much as I disagree with him over some things, I don't want to lose him.




If you will, please pray for him.








And so it goes......

Saturday Silliness...

I've got dreams in hidden places and extra smiles for when I'm blue.
~~~~~Author Unknown


I've had several comments regarding the Friday Funnies. "Where are they?" and
"Did you post the Friday Funnies?" Umm, No. With the computer problems I'm
having and having to 'make the donuts' for 12.5 hrs yesterday, time just slipped away.
Soooo. I thought instead of doing a late post, I'd just rename it 'Saturday Silliness'.

Y'all can call it what you will.

Laughter is still my idea of a day well spent. Isn't it strange at how we can look
back on our lives, not focusing on the days of hurts or days filled with tears,
but remembering fondly those days of laughter and sunshine. The days we spend
with family and friends, joking, giggling, talking, cutting up and just enjoying being
alive are the stuff of dreams...
~~~~~

Silliness ensues...

Two Little Old Ladies

Two little old ladies were sitting on a park bench outside the local
town hall where a flower show was in progress.

The thin one leaned over and Said, 'Life is so boring. We never
have any fun any more. For $10 I'd take my clothes off And streak
through that stupid flower show!'

'You're on!' said the other old lady, holding up a $10 bill. The
first little old lady slowly fumbled her way out of her clothes and,
Completely naked, streaked (as fast as an old lady can) Through the
front door of the flower show.

Waiting outside, her friend soon heard a huge commotion inside the
hall, Followed by loud applause and shrill whistling. The smiling and
naked Old lady came through the exit door surrounded by a cheering
crowd.

'What happened?' asked her waiting friend.

'I won 1st prize as Best Dried Arrangement. '

~~~~~

FAMILY

Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a
house together. One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She
puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters,
'Was I getting in or out of the bath?'

The 94-year-old yells back, 'I don't
know. I'll come up and see.' She starts up the
stairs and pauses 'Was I going up the stairs or
down?'

The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table
having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and
says, 'I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on
wood.' She then yells, 'I'll come up and help
both of you as soon as I see who's at the door.'
~~~~~

Ahhh,.....isn't technology wonderful!

A British company is developing computer chips which store music in
women's breast implants. This is viewed as a major breakthrough as,
up until now, women complained that men were staring at their breasts
and not listening to them.

~~~~~

*Hmmm, I'm not sure what happened to change all the words 

into some type of code, but I've deleted them. 

Those darn gremlins...

And so it goes......

Friday Funnies...

Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity.
~~~~~George S. Patton


Conventions or Conferences...

A man boarded an aircraft at London's Heathrow Airport, and taking his seat as he settled in, he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the plane. He realized she was heading straight toward his seat and bingo she took the seat right beside him. Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out, "Business trip or vacation?"

She turned, smiled enchantingly and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniac Convention in the United States." He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs!

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?" "Lecturer," she responded. "I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality." Really", he smiled, "what myths are those?" Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well endowed when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Greek descent. We have also found that the best potential lovers in all categories are the Irish."

Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said. I really shouldn't be discussing this with you; I don't even know your name!

Tonto," the man said. "Tonto Papadopoulos. But my friends call me Paddy."
~~~~~

Love Dress...

A woman stopped by unannounced at her son's house. She knocked on the door, then immediately walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room. "What are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm waiting for John to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered. "But you're naked! " the mother-in-law exclaimed. "This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained. "Love dress? But you're naked!"
"John loves me to wear this dress," she explained. "It excites him no end."
"Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me."

The mother-in-law left. When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and lay on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive.

Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively. "What are you doing?" he asked. "This is my love dress," she whispered, sensually. "Needs ironing," he said. "What's for dinner?

Visiting hours will be on Monday from 2 to 4 & 7 to 9 at The Rest Assured Funeral Home
~~~~~

5 Minute Management Course...

Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.

Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.' After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds,

Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?' 'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies. 'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'

Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2:

A priest offered a Nun a lift.

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.

The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest apologised 'Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak.'

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said,

'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'

Moral of the story:

If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.

The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'

'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.

'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'
Puff! He's gone.

'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'

Moral of the story:

Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?' The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.' 'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:

Bull Sh*t might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..

Lesson 6

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story:

(1) Not everyone who sh*ts on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of sh*t is your
friend.

(3) And when you're in deep sh*t, it's best to keep
your mouth shut!

THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE




And so it goes......

Friday Funnies...

Why not learn to enjoy the little things - there are so many of them.
~~~~~Author Unknown



A woman walked into the kitchen to find her
Husband stalking around with a fly swatter! ..
"What are you doing?" She asked.
"Hunting Flies" He responded.
"Oh! Killing any?"She asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females, " he replied.

Intrigued, she asked.
"How can you tell them apart?"

He responded,
"3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone".
~~~~~

Never Argue with a Woman

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.

Along comes a Game Warden in his boat.

He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?'
'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't it obvious?')
'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.
'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading,' she replies.
To which he replies, 'Yes, but you have all the equipment.
For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'

'For reading a book?,' she replies.
'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her again.
'I'm sorry, officer, but I am not fishing. I am reading,' she replies, again.
Again he says, 'Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'

'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with Sexual assault,' says the woman.
'But I haven't even touched you,' says the game warden.
And she replies, 'That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.'

'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.
~~~~~

Noah in 2008

In the year 2008, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said,
"Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans"

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark.

"Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"

"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah,

"but things have changed. I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system.
My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.
Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.
Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!
When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me.
They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.
Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.
I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.
Immigration and Naturalization are checking the green-card status of most of the people who want to work.
The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience.
To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.
So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark."

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.

Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"

"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."




And so it goes......

Friday Funnies...

You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with.

~~~~~Wayne W. Dyer

Have you all been watching the weather along the east coast? Seems like Tropical Storm Hanna is lashing them with lots of rain. Then there's Ike coming up out of the Atlantic followed closely by Josephine bringing up the rear. Raining cats and dogs it is and quite likely will continue for some time.

I know my garden would surely like some of that wet stuff up here. Especially since I've been out there most of the morning picking those ole white half runners for Momma. Reckon we will be having us a bean stringing party here tonight. Since I'm going to have the Hunny Bunnies and Booger Butt this weekend, I wonder if I can teach them how to string beans...

The cartoons below are for anyone down in the state of Florida. Hi Grandma Faith, GuyK, BH, you too. Heck, I miss that man.

And so it goes......